When I think of what a mature woman looks like, she does not look like me. I think of mature as boring, dull, wearing pantyhose, and just no fun. This description of an “adult woman” is the reason why I have a hard time doing adult things. I kick and scream and finally succumb to reality. I AM 32 year old woman learning how to live as an adult, one day at a time.
The other night, my friend suggested to me to write about what is REALLY going on. The dirt. The grit. The pain. The life stuff I don’t want everyone to know that I deal with. Why would I post it on my blog for everyone to read?
Well...I’m taking contrary action and sharing with the world, that I struggle with being an adult woman. Is being a woman really all it’s cracked up to be? Where is that Kate Spade purse and Manolo Blahniks that Carrie was wearing on the Upper East Side? Is this what a WOMAN wears? Well, if she does, I’m not a woman. Does she drive her kids to soccer practice in a van? Well, I don’t look like that either. Does she live on Wisteria Lane and bake cupcakes? Nope, not her either. If I can’t find her, I’ll have to learn how to be the woman that looks like ME. So far, that woman can’t seem to even balance her check book, so I suppose those yummy Manolo Blahniks are not going to just apear in my closet. No matter how much I bitch and complain, I need to take care of ME. No one else can do that job.
I have a friend who talks about how she learned how to wear her "Big Girl Panties.” This is one of those times in my life, when I truly want to be out of diapers. I'm fully capable of never again wearing diapers. Am I ready for "Big Girl Panties" every day, all day? Maybe, I could get by wearing Pull-Ups for those occasions when I just need a back-up(in case of an accident of life). The dillema...how could I ever match the super sleek Kate Spade purse to the bright Dora the Explorer Pull-Ups? Damn! It would never work!
How do I trade in those Pull-Ups for those “Big Girl Panties”? This is THE question, THE issue that has been screaming in my face every day of the summer. Where did I decide that being a grown up needs to be painful, annoying, boring, and overall just like PLAIN, fat-free, sugar-free yogurt? Every time I don’t pay a bill on-time, it’s my protest to “The Man” that I won’t grow up! Every time I let another month go by without cleaning out my car, ironically I end up sitting on the couch, grumpy, with that plain yogurt taste in my mouth. I don’t want that PLAIN life. That dullness. Why do I think that not paying a bill or procrastinating on cleaning out my car will save me from eating PLAIN yogurt?
I have been told by my mentor, that adult life can be full, fun, and beautiful. How could this be true? Paying off my college loan debt will slowly mold me into the adult woman I have always wanted to be, the WISE one tells me. She says that I will live an abundant life, full of wonder and LOVE. She tells me that when I wear those "Big Girl Panties", I'm one step closer to becoming the woman I have always wanted to be. She tells me that eating healthy (eating plain yogurt once in a while), exercising, and taking deep breaths will help support my body and soul.
Being a woman, a REAL woman, is scary! Will it hurt? Will I forget about fun? Will I suffer from a life of endless chores, bill paying, and never playing in the warm sun on a sandy beach? Will I get to surf? When my work is done, THEN, I was told I could play. Until then, it will be work. I can not deny myself pleasure. How did I ever think that being an adult was going to be easy? I just take the next step in front of me TODAY. First, I show up for my job. Second, I take care of my body. Third, I take some time to do the “adult woman” stuff, with gratitude for the life I GET to live. How can I be thankful that I GET to pay for another bill? I really don’t know! I guess I just keep paying those bills. Big Girls pay their bills.
Living the life of a “little girl” is no longer pleasing to me. Living the abundant “Life of a Woman in LA” is much more pleasing. I'll eat more plain yogurt with some added sweet fruit and crunchy granola for some exctiement. Also, I'm going to throw away those disposable Pull–Ups and start wearing my plain cotton, but functional "Big Girl Panties."
3 comments:
Excellent! Very nice and don't forget, bills = nice stuff on credit. You don't want to mess that credit up or you'll have to learn to live solely within your means....boring.
;)
I think there's a difference between growing up and being responsible. I'm all about accountability and responsibility - I work more and harder than most people I know. I set all my bills to automatic payments so they're never late, and I always pay more than is actually due. Because of that and some fortunate luck, I am able to afford some luxuries in life. I also can't wait to have childen and a family of my own. I actually just ate granola, Activia yogurt, and skim milk for breakfast this morning.
But forget the Big Girl Panties for me. It's no use working so damn hard if you can't have fun in the meantime. I'll stick with weekends at Disneyland and Wonder Woman Underoos (or fundies as I call them.) :)
Kitty Kat.
Well, I agree about that sometime you just have to grow up and be a grown-up. I just mailed you a "big girl panty" you left at my house! So, I know you are a grown up; you just have to keep growing as a grown up. One does not just grow up and you're done. It is a life-long process. And... if none of the women you see match the kind of woman you want to be, invent your own! you have always be unique. Good, thoughtful entry. Love ya!
Love,
Mama :-) o->->->
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