I found myself awake again at 5am. The natural alarm clocks, the birds outside my window, chirped me into waking up and turning on my laptop. I was told years ago that instead of trying to go back to sleep, trying unsuccessfully, to get my brain working. This time of the day is when my heart and my brain can combine forces to churn out pieces here and there.
As I sit here, on an early Monday morning, I have time to reflect, listen to my heart, and breathe. I have had 6 months to have quiet time while unemployed, however I am entirely ready now to embrace this new life, recreate, and discover me again. Okay. So this isn't exactly a new feeling, nor is it unique to me. However, "Winter" fades and "Summer" uses her overbearing heat to exclaim she hasn't abandoned us. Throughout these hot days and warm nights, in the city, and home I was raised, I can see and feel acceptance. God put me exactly where I needed to be, with the right people. I am supported, loved, and carried through the horrible pain of breaking up. Now, I laugh and smile more. I cry and brood less. Which is, of course, a good thing for all parties involved.
I still manage to tell a stranger on a weekly basis that my fiance and I broke up. Makes for an uncomfortable conversation. What do you say to a woman who's wedding was called-off? Sorry? I can't think of anything, anyone could say or do that can have save me from the heartache. It's something I need to go through. One of those life changing events where, at the time, I thought my life was out of control like in a bad nightmare. You know the ones where you wake up and you're still dreaming! I came out of the nightmare, faced reality, and grew.
Sure, it was and IS still a little messy. It's really no fun. This is the adult life, that reminds me, I no longer wear diapers or pull-ups! Just like a very wise woman once told me, it's time to put on those"big girl" panties now! I was carried the entire way, through the dark days of winter. Summer tells me, with her warm sunny days, that things DO change, just like the seasons. No feelings are permanent. My faith has been restored. My beautiful life goes on.
