I woke up this morning out of yet another nightmare about teaching. For those of you that don’t know me, I teach 4th grade and I'm currently enjoying my 3rd week of summer vacation. Almost every night since I went on vacation, my subconscious has not been “there” with me. Over the past three weeks I’ve dreamt that I changed grade levels, my classroom was too small and I had to share it with the office staff, I was subbing my retired father’s high school class and he didn’t leave me lessons, and there are even more dreams. Every teacher I know has these teacher related anxiety dreams. Really, they are just a twisted version of those dreams I used to get where I would go to school, forget that there was a big exam, and to make it worse of course I forgot to put on clothes! I always thought my teachers had it together. Now, I realize they were merely human.
Last night I had the crème de la crème of dreams. I dreamt that I was fired! Okay. So, I was not just fired. I was replaced! I went back to school the next day after I was fired and proceeded to walk into my classroom. I thought I saw a sub sitting in my chair. Uh…no…he was my replacement! I went over to him, introduced myself, and then told him if he needed anything at all then he shouldn’t hesitate to…..NEVER ******* CALL ME!
I was furious! I proceeded to throw anything I saw in my way. I tore down a bulletin board. I threw pencils, binders, chairs, and anything I could get my hands on! Basically, I went ballistic! Or, as it was widely referred to in the 90’s, I went “postal.” So, why was I replaced? Well, I didn’t speak Spanish. I knew I should have been paying attention to Mrs. Remley in Spanish class! (Attending class would have certainly been beneficial.)
I woke up out of this nightmare and proceeded to pick up my car keys. As I walked out to my car, I had a mission. The mission was to find one reason why I’m still teaching after four years. In my car, there was a basket of things I took out of my classroom on the last day of school. This basket included paper work, a few gifts, and my most prized possessions, the annual “end of the year letters” from my students. I pulled that purple basket out of the car and walked back inside my house to find the reason.
As I opened up the letters, I saw all their faces and remembered the last few hours on the last day of school; There was a conga line weaving through my class and a dance competition going on simultaneously. Cupcakes, juice, and chips (not a piece of fruit in sight) were on every desk! After the kids left, there I was cleaning up the chocolate frosting off the floor and putting out the huge garbage bags filled with red plastic cups and multi-colored cupcake wrappers. The only sign of student life left in the classroom were those letters neatly stacked in a basket on top of the bookshelf.
This was their final writing assignment to me. Not to be graded. No draft to be corrected. The only thing they had to do was to sum up what they accomplished, tell me what they liked least and most about 4th grade, give my new class advice, and my favorite, they needed to give me advice. It’s in the advice that I discovered a reason why I’m still teaching, despite the crowded classrooms, budget cuts, and a plethora of testing. These are testaments to the truth that lies in children. When I embrace this type of honesty, all the other road blocks around teaching are easy to get around and a reason why I am stilling teaching becomes more clear.
“End of the Year Letters to Ms. Berryessa”
Advice to Ms. B. from her 4th Grade Students (June 2008)
“As for you Ms. B, you can be a little nicer.” Followed by “You are the best, Ms. Berryessa.”
“Stay how you are, because you are a great as a teacher.”
“Advice I give to my teacher is to be nicer.”
“If you give more parties they (the class) would like your class.”
“Teach them (students) a lot and encourage them to do their best.”
“You can put up a chart and put everybody’s name on it and the numbers 2-12 and every time they get their times tables right they get a sticker on the chart.”
“An advice I’d give to you is that you need to ask for more than 3 questions because some kids might have good questions in their heads.”
“My advice to give you is to give more challenging consequences.”
“Play more games.”
“Always eat healthy and keep wearing a smile every day.”
“Work together with another teacher so you can get done faster.”
I really see this advice as simply living in the moment. Simple and yet beautiful words written to me by 9 and 10 year olds. I do have an amazing life. I found that reason I began to look for this morning; I’m still teaching because these kids keep me teachable and humble.
Thank you students of Room 240 for teaching me more than you'll ever know!
